It really doesn't matter what I do or how hard I try it always ends up as my fault, why do I sit there and let him get away with passing the buck, do I really want such a life? I'm not sure I have any fight left in me, after years of having the stuffing knocked out of me (so to speak)and bulls**t, why can't I be bothered to fight back, to stand tall and say "hey get a grip on reality and deal with it". I'm dashing round cleaning the house, but its not a home or is it just me that feels that? perhaps they see things different. I wonder how much cr*p I will take before I totally flip, but that's me, I just take it and take it till I totally loose it.
It's such a beautiful day today, blue sky, sunshine and a crips winters day, I love this time of year but once again he has managed to spoil Christmas for the 9 year on a row, but for my son, I will stand tall and make it another wonderful time, whist all the time deep inside me I will cry about all the memories of mine he spoils each year with his thoughtless behaviour.
